A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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