I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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