Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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