That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
