Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sacagawea was the original milf.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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