I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize