i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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