TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
