...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
