finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
