Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
