He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
