Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
