some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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