Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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