We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
