the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
