My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
