You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
