Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
