Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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