Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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