So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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