can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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