At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
