I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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