He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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