my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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