My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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