this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I AM VODKA MAN
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
