Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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