i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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