yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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