Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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