there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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