I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
