I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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