You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
