I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
