Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
