Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
