the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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