I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
two words...techno handjob
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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