ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
