he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
