meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize