omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
