You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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