He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
