cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
