I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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