Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
