Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
