where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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