maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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