so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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