so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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