craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
