I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
