someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
