hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and she was petting her beer can
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
