apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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