While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
