So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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