I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
