HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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