Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
